WEEK THREE POWER RANKINGS: BROUGHT TO YOU BY DAVE'S EGO

Another week in the books and we saw Dave come firing at the league with a vengeance.

Meanwhile poor Steve once again lined up against the highest scoring team that wasn't his. What will this do to the ol' rankings? Only one way to find out...

12) Coop Her Kupp (0-2, 250.42 PF)- Sorry Jude, someone has to be the bottom and you're in that chair when the music stopped this week.

11) Purple Helmet (1-1, 261.46 PF)- Hey moving on up, from 12 to 11, after a loss, that ain't bad, right? At this pace you'll be #1 by the playoffs!

10) Team Deloria (0-2, 244.48 PF)- No more Saquon? 

But seriously don't let this injury fool you, we all saw the numbers The Saquon Kid put up in the opener, Deloria's team was going nowhere anyways, now he just has an excuse.

9) Peter's Team (1-1, 241.78 PF)- Pete has the best team that has not been touched since the season started.

8) Carnal Fruitarians (1-1, 289.24 PF)- Pause for Dave to bitch about the rankings and then offer up his fantasy football resume. He won this league a couple times and has the two best tacklers, blah, blah, blah. It's not that the PRs don't trust you Dave, but let's see a couple more weeks of production. 

7) Marvelous Muzzy's (2-0, 285.78 PF)- It's nothing against this team and what they have done thus far, but Run CMC is out, he can't Mostert up any points from Raheem, and his QBs are inconcsistent as heck, so, here we are,

6) Kyle's Team (1-1, 221.32 PF)- Sorry, you don't top 90 points in a week, ya gonna fall a bit in the Rankings of Power.

5) Shirley Stranglers (0-2, 277.94 PF)- 0-2 and taking on Dave this week? The PRs still think Nate's team will turn things around, so let's not call this week's game a must-win for Nate-o, but 0-3 is not a great place to be.

4) Charknado (2-0, 294.54 PF)- The most consistent team thus far, I think the undefeated season comes to an end this week, though. Although it plays Steve teams so that should mean 170+ points are coming, right?

3) bfranchitto's Team (2-0, 316.22 PF)- Still the cleverest team name in the league, I think. Anyways, Brando's team is looking good moving up 3 spots from last week and now eyeing that top spot. But the path to 3-0 is not easy, because week three draws...

2) Bobsicles. (1-1, 323.08 PF)- The surprise team of the early season, can Bobsicles. hand Brando his first loss of the season?

1) Salem Salad Tossers (1-1, 325.50)- Sure, Steve lost in week two, but he was against the top scoring team in the league and does still have the most points scored. A loss this week could really shake things up though. Watch out Steve, objects in your rearview may be closer than they appear!

WEEK TWO POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SURGE

Welcome to week two's Power Rankings Brought to you by Surge!

Surge! Life'a scream; feed the rush!

The first week is in the books and we didn't have any real surprises as far as who beat whom, but Bobsicles. stunned the world with the 2nd highest score of week one. Unfortunately it was maybe wasted because it was put up against the highest scoring team in week one, The Salem Salad Tossers.

What will Bobsicles. big day do to the Power Rankings Brought to You by Surge? Well, let's find out...

12) Purple Helmet (1-0, 139.6 pts)- Well the Power Rankings Brought to You by Surge account for many factors so despite an opening week win and being 5th in the league in points, they just don't like Jonny. On the bright side, there's only one way for him to go, right?

11) Peter's Team (0-1, 114.1 pts)- Seriously, someone tell Pete to put down his unicorn pipe and let him know he is still in this league?

10) Carnal Fruitarians (0-1, 103.14 pts)- You think Dave is concerned? Pfft!

9) Coop Her Kupp (0-1, 126.2 pts)- Hey Jude, I have nothing for youuuu.

8) Team Deloria (1-0, 115.98 pts)- Despite the weak one start (see what I did there) Deloria is actually poised for a strong week two. Can he pull off the upset of Chitto?

7) Jonnu What I Mean? (1-0, 138.8 pts)- 7th last week, 7th this week, just standing pat with the highest projected week two score.

6) bfranchitto's Team (1-0, 145.64 pts)- Chitto won the first Chitto Bowl of the year but failed to meet projections and projected to score even less this week even if he does adjust for injuries.

5) Marvelous Muzzys (1-0, 145.4 pts)- A-MUZZ-ing start to the season and Kareem Hunt got Muzz of to a good start this week, but he has a tough matchup this week, against Kyle's Team. 

I am just assuming the name Muzzy was picked as an homage to Emil Muzz from the cinematic classic Dragnet with Dan Akroyd and Tom Hanks.

4) Bobsicles. (0-1, 169.5 pts)- The Power Rankings Brought to You by Surge seem to think week one was no fluke for Bobsicles. They'll have their hands full in week two as they head into this season's Chitto Bowl II.

3) Shirley Stranglers (0-1, 127.46 pts)- Nate is hanging around the top three, injuries could see him falling down the Power Rankings Brought to You by Surge.

2) Kyle's Team (1-0, 132.92 pts)- The defending champ adds another win to the streak, but Marvelous Muzzy is looking to end the streak this week.

1) Salem Salad Tossers (1-0, 174.58)- Should be no surprise that Steve keeps the top spot after posting the most points in week one. It's brother vs. brother in week two, as this year's DeCorpo Bowl I takes place. Can Dave pull off the early season upset?

 

PRESEASON POWER RANKINGS!

 Another season is underway and, as usual we've heard a lot from Dave, Deloria is still against keepers, and it's pain to schedule the draft date and time. But most of that is behind us, for this season, anyways. How this season pans out with a backdrop of a pandemic, wildfires and what can be violent and destructive responses to racial injustice, is anyone's guess, but let's enjoy the ride while we can. Alright, I don't have many fun facts to start the season, so we'r gonna just dive right in and break out the state of the art Power Ranker 5000...

To keep the audience captive we're gonna build suspense this year and work from least best to best.

So away we go1

12) Peter's Team (Projected Record 5-8)- They say nice guys finish last and well, Pete is one of the nicest fantasy football players there is!

11) Coop Her Kupp (Projected Record 4-9)- Hey Jude (sure it's the first time he's heard that one) finished 4th last season, which I believe was his first in this league! Kudos there, but did you know he finished projected as the 10th best team in the league? In the end projections and Power Rankings don't ultimately matter if you can get lucky or get hot at the right time and I wouldn't worry about having the worst draft rating in the league, so don't worry Jude...

                                                                                  

10) Purple Helmet (Projected Record 5-8)- 

Alright, it's spelled differently, but oh well. While it was anything but Helaire-ious, when he drafted Edwards-Helaire, the draft went downhill from there, giving him an uphill climb this season, especially when you factor in the the he has one of the toughest schedules. 

9) Carnal Fruitarians (Projected Record 5-8)- Dave is being stymied by JK Dobbins not having a a starting role yet, and basically being a garbage running back he should trade to me, but even without him, Dave has a solid floor for his RB corp. Is it enough to launch him up the PRs?

8) Bobsicles (Projected Record 5-8)- In Cam they trust? Going all in on Cam at QB, could make or break this team, so let's monitor that closely. 

7) Odell's # 2 (Projected Record 8-5)- Second best draft according to Yahoo!, but that's not enough for the Rankings of Power. Good news is the first year my team was below .500 in this league I made it to the championship game as one of the last seeds in the playoffs, so not concerned being this far down the rankings.

6) Team Deloria (Projected Record 7-6)- Deloria is always a wild card and his final record projection is hampered by him facing the 2nd toughest schedule in the league. But, hey almost anything is better than his 3-10 record last season, right?

5) Marvelous Muzzy's (Projected Record- 7-6)- Building a team around Christian McCaffrey is as solid a plan as any. If Kareem Hunt pays off, this will be a tough team.

4) bfranchitto's Team (Projected Record- 8-5)- Yahoo! said Brandon had the best draft, even though they graded it only a B? Well, it's pretty hard to not contend with a healthy Patrick Mahomes as your QB. 

3) Shirley Stranglers (Projected Record 7-6)- With Mike Evans and Michael Thomas Nate boasts probably the best WR corp in the league, which is good since he has four RBs that are not RB1s. Of course that just means one or two of them hit and he's probably sittin' pretty.

2) Kyle's Team (Projected Record 9-4)- The defending champ comes back with a strong team to start his title defense. A high floor and some consistent (read: boring) players could have Kyle back in the 'ship.

1) Salem Salad Tossers (Projected Record 10-3)- Steve always seems to have a solid team and this year is no different as he had the highest draft grade in the league and looks to break the DeCorpo championship drought of...two years.

Well, the matchup of the week has to be the Franchitto Bowl. Can Nate pull of the upset of big brother? Brandon's looking strong and has a decent edge in projections, but anything can happen...that's why we play the game! 

Good luck this week to everyone but Pete!

WEEK SOMETHINIG OR OTHER HYDROX POWER RANKINGS

Good day all. I'd apologize for falling off the radar, but I just don't care that much.

Okay, I care, but as for when and how often these power rankings get written? Well, I have a document for that...

Glad that's all cleared up. Now as we head into the final third of the season the playoff picture should become clearer. Well, it hasn't.

• Nate and Dave remain tied for the top spot, but Nate has the current tiebreaker against Dave
• Will, Steve and Pete all sit one game back of the top, with Will currently holding the tiebreaker there. Either Will or Pete will get their fourth loss of the season in week ten.
• After the top five, there are five teams within one game of each other, battling for the final three playoff spots.
• Kyle and Larry are still lingering but they are battling in week ten and the loser of that will be hanging onto playoff hopes for dear life...

          

Alright and now onto the Power Rankings..

1) Carnal Fruitarians (Dave)- With seven straight wins, Dave has been owning this league for more than half the season now.

2) Davey TBD (Dave)- Dave is on top of the world right now and quite frankly, feeling invincible.

3) DeCorpo the Bilals (Dave)

4) Salem David Tossers (Dave)

5) team kin-david (Dave)- Dave's top five movies are How High, Cheech in Chong's Up In Smoke, Grandma's Boy and Fried Green Tomatoes

6) Davey's Tube Socks (Dave)

7) London-Davey Lumberjacks (Dave)

8) Team Dave-loria (Dave)

9) Dave State Brandinos (Dave)

10) Multiple DeCorp-gasms (Dave)
11) Hudson Dave-plorables (Dave)

12) pot roasters (Jon)

WEEK EIGHT FLOWBEE POWER RANKINGS:

We are past the halfway point of the fantasy season and play time is over!

Let's break things down as we hit the back nine...er, six.

• While the divisions are randomly selected and just for scheduling purposes, I think it's fun to note that the top three teams, or the scream of the crop, are owl in the same division.

          

• Will and Nate will meet once more and this week is the first of tomb meetings between Dave and Will, witch could, could, put Nate in the driver's seat for the #1 seed. We're still a ways off from worrying about that though.
• Oh wait, let's not forget Pete, who joins the Big Three from Division 3 in the 5-2 club. Nate grave Pete's his first loss since week two.
• This week Pete faces Ryan 'King Dread" Kindred, hoot has joined the "tough break" club as he now has the honor of having the most points scored against him on the season thanks in large part to the last four weeks...
• Over the past four weeks, Ry Guy (not to be confused with Hall of Famer Ray Guy) has had opposing scores of 172.5, 174, 163 and 174.3.
• As we close in on teams thinking about magic numbers we are also getting close to crunch time for the bottom half of the league.
• Even at 1-6, Larry is not close to being out of the playoff "witch" hunt. Larry is boo, er, two games out of the last playoff spot with six games to go.
• Looking at Larry's last six games, he only faces one team with a winning record, witch may give him an ex-skull-ent shot at sneaking into the playoffs.
• De-gory-a looks to have the toughest finish of the bottom six, facing teams with a winning record in four of the last six games, including a three game stretch against Division 3 in weeks 10-12.
• Here are the records and winning percentages the bottom six will be facing.

           Deloria- 22-20 (Four opponents with winning records)

           Kyle- 21-21 (Three opponents with winning records

           Brandon- 19-23 (Three opponents with winning records)

           Ryan- 19-23 (Two opponents with winning records)

           Jon- 19-23 (Three opponents with winning records)

           Larry- 18-24 (One opponent with winning record)

Alright, without further ado, let's get to the rankings...

1) Shirley TBD (5-2)- Most points in the league headed into week 8, and of the top three teams he has the easiest remaining schedule. That #1 seed is in Nate's sights, but Nate is gonna just play it...

2) Kupp the Bilals (5-2)- Currently in the two spot but not confident that this team stays there. But I am as calm  as can be..

3) Carnal Fruitarians (5-2)-  A slow start to the season, Davey D is on fire and is gonna be a tough our, until my Patrick Maholmes voodoo doll arrives in the mail.

4) Salem Salad Tossers (4-3)- Steve's team just hasn't been clutch thus far, but he believes in his team and knows he will be right in the thick of things when it comes to crunch time.

As long as he doesn't have to face...

5) Dirty Tube Socks (5-2)- We have constantly discussed Pete having had some good luck thus far, but while the record may be a bit lucky, the PRs still think this squad is a contender. And you know what, Pete, maybe your 5-2 record is a tad lucky, but hey is that your fault?

The next three squads are dangerous squads at times, but we don't really know what to make of them...

6) team kindred (2-5)

7) Londonderry Lumberjacks (4-3)

8) Team Deloria (3-4)

 Some weeks they can be good, others, not so much.

Now onto the basement.

Well, this ain't the Alamo, nor will any of these teams be nearly as memorable...

9) Multiple Scorgasms (2-5)

10) Bay State Brandinos (3-4)

11) Hudson Deplorables (1-6)

12) the pot roasters (3-4)

But hey, I broke down their rest of season schedule and as we have seen in this league, make the playoffs and you have yourself a good chance.

Alright...

WEEK FIVE ODOR EATER POWER RANKINGS; DECORPO BROTHERS, WHERE ART THOU?

Good day, ladies and germs! Welcome back to another edition of your Odor-Eaters Power Rankings!

That's right folks....

A lot's happened in the last couple weeks and I'll try and get to all of it...

• Brando nabbed his first win of the season, narrowly avoiding the worst start of his career.
• Not only that, but Brandon's win knocked Nate from the ranks of the unbeaten.

• Staying with the Franchitto clan, Nate also lost last week as well
• In fact the Franchittos are 1-5 over the last two weeks and the one win is Brandon over Nate
• Good news for the Franchittos fam though...Nate plays Larry this week in 2018 Franchitto Bowl II

      

• On the other side of the coin you have Pete's Dirty Tube Socks who knocked Deloria from the unbeatens...

          

• And also knocked off Steve two out of the last three weeks.

 

• So that means 75% of Pete's wins this season are against DeCorpos
• No one has had fewer points scored against them this season than Pete
• Wedged in between his Pete losses, Steve had the highest scoring week four.
• Meanwhile the other DeCorpo is on a tear, winning three in a row and only yours truly has more points scored during his winning streak.

Alright, dem's the apps, let's get onto the main course...The Odor-Eaters Week Five Power Rankings

1. Kupp the Bilals (4-1)- The loss to Nate in week one, much like most of the things Nate does, is basically just a minor inconsequential speed bump, now. Not only is my squad the top scoring team in the league and not only is it the only team to be in the top three in scoring each week this season, but I'm also the top scoring owner over the past three seasons. If we get back to the present and this season, I have the only team that has eclipsed 150 points in all five weeks. But what you all have going for you is that only one team that has finished the regular season with the most points for has won the championship. That was Deloria back in 2012. Couple that with the fact I have never won a playoff game and you guys may actually have hope.

Oh and for the first time this season I am not projected to win, so you have that going for ya...

2. Shirley TBD (3-2)- It's slowly gone down hill since week one for Natelynn. Before last week he had put up a lower score than the previous week in three straight weeks. Got that?

Okay, here's something easier to understand...the number two, as in how many consecutive losses Nate now has. Good thing he has the Deplorable Me (aka Larry) this week.

3. Salem Salad Tossers (2-3)- Hey when he doesn't face Pete he's almost undefeated. This DeCorpo brother is favored to beat me this week though and a win there could really shake up The Odor Eater Power Rankings

4. Carnal Fruitarians (3-2)- Dave-O spotted the league two games and now he is off and running!

        

5. team kindred (2-3)- Three straight losses for the Ry Guy has his squad fading in the rankings and if he loses this week he'll be falling further down the rankings and scrambling for a playoff spot.

6. The Dirty Tube Socks (4-1)- I know Pete is 4-1, but as I mentioned no team has had fewer points scored against them this season, so the Odor-Eaters Power Rankings think a wee spot of luck has been involved. But on a plus side, look what popped up when I searched for "dirty tube sock"

7. Team Deloria (3-2)- Back-to-back losses and an unfavorable matchup this week against...

8. Londonderry Lumberjacks (3-2)- DeCoste's season has been a real up and down one thus far...

Making him a reallll..

Okay now we get to the bottom four...or as I like to call them the Island of Misfit Fantasy Teams...

These teams have all shown flashes of something, but in the end they just haven't been able to keep up with the rest of the league and, as we approach the half way point of the fantasy season, need to worry about making the playoffs.

9. Multiple Scorgasms (2-3)-

10. Hudson Deplorables (1-4)

11. Bay State Brandinos (1-4)

12. the pot roasters (2-3)