WEEK FOUR D.I.L.F.F.F.L POWER RANKINGS SPONSORED BY BUD DRY

 After a week off, The Week Four D.I.L.F.F.F.L. Power Rankings Sponsored by Bud Dry have returned!

It's been a weird season thus far, to say the least as a laundry list of of 1st and 2nd round picks have been as disappointing as Moana 2. What? It's a D.I.L.F. league; gotta get some kid's movies references in here. Also, why is the expression, "laundry list"? Who makes a list for laundry? I digress. The usual suspects have been more suspect than usual for sure and that includes some of this league's winningest managers! The top five managers in regular season wins over the last six season, with the exception of Steve, have struggled. The other four managers are currently a combined 2-10.

So it's a bit topsy-turvy, you could say. This isn't to blame the actual players, but so far this year is shaping up very different from seasons of yore. Anyways, enough babbling, let's get to it, here are The Week Four D.I.L.F.F.F.L. Power Rankings Sponsored by Bud Dry.

12) The pot roasters (0-3, PR:12)- Despite the big Dak energy, this team hasn't done much to warrant moving up The Week Four D.I.L.F.F.F.L. Power Rankings Sponsored by Bud Dry.

11) That's What Rashee Said (0-3, PR:11)- The defending champ issss struggling. Really not much to say as almost every player on the roster is either underperforming or was a bad gamble. Still a lot of season left though and this is one of only two managers that has made the playoffs each of the last six seasons, so here's to hopin'!

10) Kiss my buttass (1-2, PR:10)- If the rookie RBs turn it on this week, then this could be the turning point for this buttass team. 

9) Tittiliating Tortas (0-3, PR: 9)- Gets Worthy back and loses Mike Evans...luck just not on their side this season, thus far. 

8) Peter's Team (2-1, PR:8)- Gosh darned (pardon my French) Mark Andrews was the difference, beating his season average by 1768%. Without that, this team is 1-2.  

7) The Buckle-Ups (2-1, PR:7)- While this team is middling, it is also deep and could be moving up the rankings as the bye weeks hit. 

6) Laughing Kookaburra (1-2, PR:6)- Still waiting for that upside to kick in, but when it does, just look out!

5) Kyle's Team (3-0, PR:3)- Well, being the saddest of the 3-0 teams, surely won't mean much when you're still 3-0. A win's a win, right Kyle?

4) Bonnie Blue 42 (2-1, PR: 4)- Just riding that Daniel Jones train, just like everyone predicted?

Plus Jordan Addison is back, so that's something!

3) Team Deloria (1-2, PR:2)- If you are looking for this season's hard luck loser, well, thus far, this is it! Third in points for and has been top four in scoring two of the first three weeks. All the math and science projected this team to start 3-0.

2) Your Step Dad (3-0, PR:5)- Looking to be in a good spot for now, but is it legit or smoke and mirrors? Guess time will tell. 

1) CMC Ya Later (3-0, PR:1)-

DILFFFL LEAGUE WEEK TWO POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY SURGE

Okay, well, week one, had some good primetime games, but the rest of the slate was kind of, meh? Especially for fantasy purposes as a lot of the big guns looked to be firing blanks. But not to worry, folks, it is just week one, so tuck those Jump to Conclusions Mats back into your crawl spaces (not a metaphor), cause it's time for the DILFFFL Week Two Power Rankings, sponsored by Surge!

12) The pot roasters- (0-1)(PR:12)- Not much done in week one to warrant moving out of this position and this week they get the highest scoring team from week one. Maybe Jon should just find something else to do this Sunday. Antiquing, maybe a nice little farmer's market, leaf peeping...anything but paying attention to fantasy football.

11) Peter's Team- (0-1) (PR:11)- Pretty much similar to our friend above, though this team is actually close in early week two projections. That being said, they are still starting defensive players who don't appear to actually play.

10) That's What Rashee Said (0-1)(PR:8)- We didn't especially like the defending champs in week one and they unfortunately proved us right, Only three starters touched double digits in week one, so maybe four players get there this week? Look it's only one week, lot of ball game left.

9) The Buckle-Ups (1-0)(PR:10)- No need to buckle up just yet as just a modest move after barely beating the team with one of the other lowest point totals in week one. 

8) Titillating Tortas (0-1)(PR:7)- Oh look, it's the aforementioned team with one of the lowest point totals in week one. Now a lot of that has to do with Xavier Worthy leaving after like one play, so don't think this team isn't ready to turn it around in week two.

7) Bonnie Blue 42 (0-1)(PR:4)- Bonnie Blue, certainly did blew, er blow, in week one, and not in a good way.

6) Kiss my buttass (1-0)(PR:9)-  Better lucky than good, maybe, in week one, considering literally every team in the league would have won against their week one opponent. But I'm sure they will have to step it up in week two. They can't face the lowest scoring the team in the league every week, right?! Just look, this week they have (checks notes)...the second lowest scoring team in the league. 

5) Laughing Kookaburra (0-1)(PR:5)- While this team did lose in week one, it was by a pretty slim margin and they did manage to be 5th in points scored. Now the question is will someone else step up or will they need Josh Allen to carry them every week? Well, maybe not if they manage their roster better? Leaving a 23 point receiver on one's bench is never great. I'm sure the manager will Emeka better decisions this week!

4) Your Step Dad (1-0)(PR:6)- A solid week one win and that was with Ja'Marr Chase being very underwhelming. Well, they hope to Ja'Marr their opponent this week and have them Chase-ing points.

3) Kyle's Team (1-0)(PR:3)- Yes, they had the benefit of playing the second lowest scoring team in the league, but they also dominated the matchup and they only had two non-defensive entities on their roster that didn't hit double digits. Watch your backs at the top, objects in your rearview mirror, may be closer than they appear.

2) Team Deloria (1-0)(PR:1)- Well, that was a short-lived stint at the top. 

Look, these DILFFFL  Power Rankings Brought to you by Surge! are a living breathing thing and are constantly evolving. Simply eking out wins, with a middling score, just ain't' gonna get you the top spot. 

1) CMC Ya Later (1-0)(PR:2)- 

Alright, there you have it! Good luck to everyone but Kyle!

WEEK ONE POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ZIMA

 That's right gentlemen, and Dave, the 2025 season is upon us! We made it!

That means it times to dust off the ol' computer and get some power rankings going!

Alright here we go with the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima!

12) The pot roasters- Latavius Murray...need we say more? I mean we're not gonna, for now, so?

11) Peter's Team- Look, there are some good pieces here, for sure and, ya know, Pete's shown some moxie the last couple seasons, but even if this team gets off to a fast start, I think we all expect it to sort of...Peter out?

10) The Buckle-Ups- Well, I mean, there's Bijan for Men?

This is about the present, sure, but did you know this owner has the most fantasy losses over the last six seasons? With no seasons above .500? Me thinks the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima! are banking on that kind of performance to continue.

9) Kiss my butta**- This has nothing to do with starting the season with an illegal roster, but more that there are a lot of question marks on this team. Even Saquon, some folks are slightly unsure of, after a ridiculous workload last season, But only a few of those questions marks need to become exclamation points and, well...

8) That's What Rashee Said- Not a great spot for the defending champ to be in and it has...almost...nothing to do with the fact that we haven't had a back-to-back champ since I've joined the league. So, looks like an uphill battle for the champ, this season. Time to bust out the lederhosen!

7) Titillating Tortas- Once we see what Ashton Jeanty will actually do in the NFL, this could be on the rise! Well, if the receivers can also outperform their lowered expectations.

6) Your Step Dad- Can Lamar and Ja'Marr help this team to mar, their competition. Look, they're both awesome...no cap, as the kids say, but the rest of the roster is littered with weekly boom-bust potential. But hey, if the booms outweigh the busts..

5) Laughing Kookaburra- Lot of upside, here! This may be the most inexperienced team in the league with five rookies and two second year players. When it comes to young upside talent...

4) Bonnie Blue 42- Perhaps this team name is because this team usually blows, but the jokes on everyone else, this year, maybe, cause this squad looks pretty darned solid. Anything can happen though, so hopefully the manager doesn't get too cocky. Yup, he can't let his head get too big, and has to just keep coming and coming at his opponents with everything he's got.

3) Kyle's Team- This team is also solid, but Yahoo! liked their draft the best and no team that has earned the top draft grade has ended the season atop the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima! Okay, that might not be true, but feel like the top draft grade doesn't generally have a great season? Whatever, moving on!

2) CMC Ya Later- Okay, the team looks great on paper and this team has won nine games in each of the last three seasons! No one has more total wins in that time, but Christian McCalfInjury has to have the skipper mildly worried, as the running back depth chart doesn't look great. Bah, why worry about that when he's sitting so high up on the power rankings?!

1) Team Deloria- This is it, this where we all aspire to be. This is a real heck of a nice team! A nice mix of high floor and high ceiling guys, this team will be tough to beat week in and week out. But look, it's week one, so we're not gonna crown him just yet and I am sure Team Deloria's coaching staff and management knows that and is staying humble.

Well, there you have it! Good luck, all! 

 

Week 3 Power Rankings: Chittos in the Wild

Welcome to week three and the Power Rankings that accompany it! By the way, commish, I know we were contemplating a new league name, so I'll throw my new league name out there...A Celebration of Bitches. No?

Ah, well, anyways, week three is upon us, and as wacky as some of the NFL games/finishes have been, things have gotten a little wonky here in the Celebration of Bitches League. 

 

Well, I mean the champ is 0-2, Dave has only outscored two teams and Matt is 2-0. Now The Champion did at least put up decent points and somehow Dave won his matchup, but he's still awful. He must have led the charge to get Jon back in the league so maybe it overshadows how terrible he is? We may never know, but what I do know is this week's Power Rankings!

12) The pot roasters 0-2 (199.96 PF)- While there will be plenty of debatable rankings this week, I think we can start off this one which was by far the easiest. Not only 0-2, but is the only team to not clear 200 points on the season after week two. 

11) Peter's Team 1-1 (245.18 PF)- Yeah, Pete is 1-1, but followed up a win over Brandon by not even topping 120 points. 

10) The PPs 1-1(233.36 PF)- I can see it coming, "But I won, how am I still so low in the POWER RANKINGS?!" 

Well, what if I told you that if The PPs played every team, each of the first two weeks they would have only won 27% or so of those matchups? And what if I told you only two teams have worse percentages?

9) Team Deloria 1-1 (258.98 PF)- Deloria was in a decent spot after week one, but was blind-sided by the Londonderry Gentleman in week two and I am sure by this ranking.

8) Londonderry Football Team 2-0 (262.00 PF)- Now, everyone settle down.

Yes, credit where credit is due, this squad is 2-0, but the schedule has been favorable and overall points are middle of the pack. That being said, a strong showing against the 2-0 Purple Helmet could really launch them up the rankings!

7) Kyle's Team 0-2 (226.62 PF)- St. George, may need to call on St. Jude, soon. For those not up on your Catholicism and saints, that's the patron saint of lost or desperate causes. This squad was a draft day darling to the Power Ranker 5000, but that initial ranking is aging like a block of cheese in the sun. 

Uh, not well, the initial ranking is not aging well. 

6) Laughing Kookaburras 1-1 (286.48 PF)- In classic Brandon style, he has been inconsistent. Week one he had the 3rd worst score of the week and in week two he had the 2nd highest score. Which means this will be a bad week for Brando...

5) The Champion 0-2 (254.34 PF)- Pretty high (not in the Dave way) for an 0-2 team? Well, they are still riding those "defending champs" fumes and they showed signs of life in week 2, but this is must win territory, if they hope to repeat. No team in this league has won it all after starting 0-3...probably.

 

4) Bobsicles 1-1 (284.14 PF)- 

3) Purple Helmet 2-0 (324.76 PF)- Advancing to 2-0 with the 2nd highest weekly score of the season, will vault you up the rankings. Big week 2 matchup against another undefeated team could really show us what this team is made of...maybe?   

2) Shirley Stranglers 1-1 (284.70 PF)- The Stranglers took their first loss of the season last week, but not the PRs still like them. Lose to the PPs in week three though and that could smack them down the rankings.

1) Kupp the Bilals 2-0 (343.60 PF)- Week one wasn't going to be duplicated, but gutting it out to get to 2-0, showed this team's moxie. This is now the team to beat, and they are ready to defend the #1 spot.

The Inaugural 2022 Whiny Bastards Power Rankings

Welcome to the 2022 Power Rankings, sponsored by Bickford's! Bickford's...breakfast anytime!

Alright the Commodore 64 is out of the closet, dusted off and fired up. Inserted the ol' Power Ranker 5000 floppy into the disk drive and we're good to go! Apologies, no real historical nuggets this week, but I'll try and come up with some next time around. So let's get on with 2000 words of pointing out how Dave sucks...

12) The pot roasters (0-1, 107 PF)- Welcome back to the league, Jonboy! Hopefully, for Jon, this is just some rust that needs to be scraped off because he is far from the pole position, here. 

11) Peter's Team (1-0, 133.18)- Yes, I understand that Pete did beat Brandon, but hey sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then, right? This ranking is also partly due to the fact we all know Pete might not even know he's still in the league. I mean once byes and injuries hit we know any positives that have gone to the Hotzstepper will quickly be negated.

10) Londonderry Football Team (1-0, 127.66)- Should there be a higher ranking for a 1-0 team who beat the Mouth of the South...west in week one? Maybe. Let's just call it extra motivation for Matt?

9) The PPs (0-1, 126.50)- Yes here he is, the aforementioned, Mouth of the South...west.

Looks like Dave's team was not ready to deliver nor receive said noise in week one. It's sad state of affairs for sure, when more people weren't mocking Dave's weak, er, week one "effort". Only a minor setback, for sure. It most assuredly won't shut him up, but for now his team is a pathetic, flaccid unit. 

8) Laughing Kookaburra (0-1, 120.12 PF)- There isn't much worse than losing to an autodraft team that hardly ever makes moves or lineup changes, right? 

7) Purple Helmet (1-0, 147.48 PF)- Contemplated dropping this team a bit more for seemingly disrespecting the power ranker in the chat, but, eh. This team is just a  Josh Allen ACL sprain away from the end of the end.

6) The Champion (0-1, 111.62)- Quite possibly the worst start to a title defense in the league's history. I say quite possibly, because I have no actual idea, but I am sure the champ took it like a, well, a champion.

5) Bobsicles. (0-1, 132.42 PF)- 

4) Team Deloria (1-0, 129 PF)- The second worst winner of week one, Deloria just kind of blends in to the background as a contender, each year, but don't sleep on him. Well, at least, in fantasy football, he actually seems like he's probably a pretty good snuggler.

3) Kyle's Team (0-1, 125.26 PF)- I mean, to say this team was beaten in week one does not even begin to describe what happened. The best way for Kyle to look at it is even if his team did perform decently in week one, they'd still be 0-1. Would they be higher in the PRs? Well, probably.

2) Kupp the Bilals (1-0, 199.6 PF)- Nothing like winning the draft (according to Yahoo! and my mom) and then taking the top score in week one...handily. 

Doubtful that score is replicated in week 2, but this team again had the top projected score coming into the week. Just sayin'.

1) Shirley Stranglers (1-0, 151.52 PF)- Number two score in week one, but the overall season prospects look pretty decent for the Stranglers and you gotta give the commish some love here and there, right? I am sure Nate will take this ranking with nothing but grace and class...