Week 3 Power Rankings: Chittos in the Wild

Welcome to week three and the Power Rankings that accompany it! By the way, commish, I know we were contemplating a new league name, so I'll throw my new league name out there...A Celebration of Bitches. No?

Ah, well, anyways, week three is upon us, and as wacky as some of the NFL games/finishes have been, things have gotten a little wonky here in the Celebration of Bitches League. 

 

Well, I mean the champ is 0-2, Dave has only outscored two teams and Matt is 2-0. Now The Champion did at least put up decent points and somehow Dave won his matchup, but he's still awful. He must have led the charge to get Jon back in the league so maybe it overshadows how terrible he is? We may never know, but what I do know is this week's Power Rankings!

12) The pot roasters 0-2 (199.96 PF)- While there will be plenty of debatable rankings this week, I think we can start off this one which was by far the easiest. Not only 0-2, but is the only team to not clear 200 points on the season after week two. 

11) Peter's Team 1-1 (245.18 PF)- Yeah, Pete is 1-1, but followed up a win over Brandon by not even topping 120 points. 

10) The PPs 1-1(233.36 PF)- I can see it coming, "But I won, how am I still so low in the POWER RANKINGS?!" 

Well, what if I told you that if The PPs played every team, each of the first two weeks they would have only won 27% or so of those matchups? And what if I told you only two teams have worse percentages?

9) Team Deloria 1-1 (258.98 PF)- Deloria was in a decent spot after week one, but was blind-sided by the Londonderry Gentleman in week two and I am sure by this ranking.

8) Londonderry Football Team 2-0 (262.00 PF)- Now, everyone settle down.

Yes, credit where credit is due, this squad is 2-0, but the schedule has been favorable and overall points are middle of the pack. That being said, a strong showing against the 2-0 Purple Helmet could really launch them up the rankings!

7) Kyle's Team 0-2 (226.62 PF)- St. George, may need to call on St. Jude, soon. For those not up on your Catholicism and saints, that's the patron saint of lost or desperate causes. This squad was a draft day darling to the Power Ranker 5000, but that initial ranking is aging like a block of cheese in the sun. 

Uh, not well, the initial ranking is not aging well. 

6) Laughing Kookaburras 1-1 (286.48 PF)- In classic Brandon style, he has been inconsistent. Week one he had the 3rd worst score of the week and in week two he had the 2nd highest score. Which means this will be a bad week for Brando...

5) The Champion 0-2 (254.34 PF)- Pretty high (not in the Dave way) for an 0-2 team? Well, they are still riding those "defending champs" fumes and they showed signs of life in week 2, but this is must win territory, if they hope to repeat. No team in this league has won it all after starting 0-3...probably.

 

4) Bobsicles 1-1 (284.14 PF)- 

3) Purple Helmet 2-0 (324.76 PF)- Advancing to 2-0 with the 2nd highest weekly score of the season, will vault you up the rankings. Big week 2 matchup against another undefeated team could really show us what this team is made of...maybe?   

2) Shirley Stranglers 1-1 (284.70 PF)- The Stranglers took their first loss of the season last week, but not the PRs still like them. Lose to the PPs in week three though and that could smack them down the rankings.

1) Kupp the Bilals 2-0 (343.60 PF)- Week one wasn't going to be duplicated, but gutting it out to get to 2-0, showed this team's moxie. This is now the team to beat, and they are ready to defend the #1 spot.

The Inaugural 2022 Whiny Bastards Power Rankings

Welcome to the 2022 Power Rankings, sponsored by Bickford's! Bickford's...breakfast anytime!

Alright the Commodore 64 is out of the closet, dusted off and fired up. Inserted the ol' Power Ranker 5000 floppy into the disk drive and we're good to go! Apologies, no real historical nuggets this week, but I'll try and come up with some next time around. So let's get on with 2000 words of pointing out how Dave sucks...

12) The pot roasters (0-1, 107 PF)- Welcome back to the league, Jonboy! Hopefully, for Jon, this is just some rust that needs to be scraped off because he is far from the pole position, here. 

11) Peter's Team (1-0, 133.18)- Yes, I understand that Pete did beat Brandon, but hey sun shines on a dog's ass every now and then, right? This ranking is also partly due to the fact we all know Pete might not even know he's still in the league. I mean once byes and injuries hit we know any positives that have gone to the Hotzstepper will quickly be negated.

10) Londonderry Football Team (1-0, 127.66)- Should there be a higher ranking for a 1-0 team who beat the Mouth of the South...west in week one? Maybe. Let's just call it extra motivation for Matt?

9) The PPs (0-1, 126.50)- Yes here he is, the aforementioned, Mouth of the South...west.

Looks like Dave's team was not ready to deliver nor receive said noise in week one. It's sad state of affairs for sure, when more people weren't mocking Dave's weak, er, week one "effort". Only a minor setback, for sure. It most assuredly won't shut him up, but for now his team is a pathetic, flaccid unit. 

8) Laughing Kookaburra (0-1, 120.12 PF)- There isn't much worse than losing to an autodraft team that hardly ever makes moves or lineup changes, right? 

7) Purple Helmet (1-0, 147.48 PF)- Contemplated dropping this team a bit more for seemingly disrespecting the power ranker in the chat, but, eh. This team is just a  Josh Allen ACL sprain away from the end of the end.

6) The Champion (0-1, 111.62)- Quite possibly the worst start to a title defense in the league's history. I say quite possibly, because I have no actual idea, but I am sure the champ took it like a, well, a champion.

5) Bobsicles. (0-1, 132.42 PF)- 

4) Team Deloria (1-0, 129 PF)- The second worst winner of week one, Deloria just kind of blends in to the background as a contender, each year, but don't sleep on him. Well, at least, in fantasy football, he actually seems like he's probably a pretty good snuggler.

3) Kyle's Team (0-1, 125.26 PF)- I mean, to say this team was beaten in week one does not even begin to describe what happened. The best way for Kyle to look at it is even if his team did perform decently in week one, they'd still be 0-1. Would they be higher in the PRs? Well, probably.

2) Kupp the Bilals (1-0, 199.6 PF)- Nothing like winning the draft (according to Yahoo! and my mom) and then taking the top score in week one...handily. 

Doubtful that score is replicated in week 2, but this team again had the top projected score coming into the week. Just sayin'.

1) Shirley Stranglers (1-0, 151.52 PF)- Number two score in week one, but the overall season prospects look pretty decent for the Stranglers and you gotta give the commish some love here and there, right? I am sure Nate will take this ranking with nothing but grace and class...