WEEK ONE POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY ZIMA

 That's right gentlemen, and Dave, the 2025 season is upon us! We made it!

That means it times to dust off the ol' computer and get some power rankings going!

Alright here we go with the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima!

12) The pot roasters- Latavius Murray...need we say more? I mean we're not gonna, for now, so?

11) Peter's Team- Look, there are some good pieces here, for sure and, ya know, Pete's shown some moxie the last couple seasons, but even if this team gets off to a fast start, I think we all expect it to sort of...Peter out?

10) The Buckle-Ups- Well, I mean, there's Bijan for Men?

This is about the present, sure, but did you know this owner has the most fantasy losses over the last six seasons? With no seasons above .500? Me thinks the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Week One Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima! are banking on that kind of performance to continue.

9) Kiss my butta**- This has nothing to do with starting the season with an illegal roster, but more that there are a lot of question marks on this team. Even Saquon, some folks are slightly unsure of, after a ridiculous workload last season, But only a few of those questions marks need to become exclamation points and, well...

8) That's What Rashee Said- Not a great spot for the defending champ to be in and it has...almost...nothing to do with the fact that we haven't had a back-to-back champ since I've joined the league. So, looks like an uphill battle for the champ, this season. Time to bust out the lederhosen!

7) Titillating Tortas- Once we see what Ashton Jeanty will actually do in the NFL, this could be on the rise! Well, if the receivers can also outperform their lowered expectations.

6) Your Step Dad- Can Lamar and Ja'Marr help this team to mar, their competition. Look, they're both awesome...no cap, as the kids say, but the rest of the roster is littered with weekly boom-bust potential. But hey, if the booms outweigh the busts..

5) Laughing Kookaburra- Lot of upside, here! This may be the most inexperienced team in the league with five rookies and two second year players. When it comes to young upside talent...

4) Bonnie Blue 42- Perhaps this team name is because this team usually blows, but the jokes on everyone else, this year, maybe, cause this squad looks pretty darned solid. Anything can happen though, so hopefully the manager doesn't get too cocky. Yup, he can't let his head get too big, and has to just keep coming and coming at his opponents with everything he's got.

3) Kyle's Team- This team is also solid, but Yahoo! liked their draft the best and no team that has earned the top draft grade has ended the season atop the Whiny Bastards Fantasy Football League Power Rankings Brought to You by Zima! Okay, that might not be true, but feel like the top draft grade doesn't generally have a great season? Whatever, moving on!

2) CMC Ya Later- Okay, the team looks great on paper and this team has won nine games in each of the last three seasons! No one has more total wins in that time, but Christian McCalfInjury has to have the skipper mildly worried, as the running back depth chart doesn't look great. Bah, why worry about that when he's sitting so high up on the power rankings?!

1) Team Deloria- This is it, this where we all aspire to be. This is a real heck of a nice team! A nice mix of high floor and high ceiling guys, this team will be tough to beat week in and week out. But look, it's week one, so we're not gonna crown him just yet and I am sure Team Deloria's coaching staff and management knows that and is staying humble.

Well, there you have it! Good luck, all!