WEEK FOUR BERTUCCI'S POWER RANKINGS: 2018 FRANCHITTO BOWL I

It's week four and Brando's season is turning into Charlie Brown.

You want to see what I mean? Okay, sure!

• Only three teams have scored more points than Brandon this season.
• The three teams that have scored more points than Chitto have a combined record of 8-1, good for an .889 winning percentage.
• Chitto's record is 0-3, good for a .000 winning percentage.
• In league history 22 teams have started 0-3
• The average finish for those 22 teams was 10th place
• Those teams average final record was 5-8
• Only two of those teams finished with a winning record (Deloria both times)
• Of those 22 teams, seven of them have made the playoffs
• Only two of those seven teams have made it past the first round of the playoffs
• But one of those teams did win a championship

So right now there is still a small glimmer of hope for Chitto, but he locks horns with his baby brother this week in the first Franchitto Bowl of 2018. Nate is living on the other side of things, sitting atop the league and the Bertucci's Power Rankings (spoiler alert). So how do things look for Chitto if the predictions for this week hold up? Well...

• Six teams in the history of the league have started the season 0-4
• They're average finish was 9th place, but...
• Two of those teams have made the playoffs, buuutttt
• Neither made it out of the first round

Needless to say this is probably a must win for Brando but can he pull off the biggest upset of this young season when he faces...

1) Shirley TBD (3-0)- Now, Nate may be sitting atop the standings and the Bertucci's Power Rankings, but he's posted a lower score than his previous week each of the past two weeks. Is it the beginning of the end for Young Nathan? Will this week be Brando's time to shine; pushing Nate into a downward spiral of despair?! Probably not, since his worst score of the season was still good for the second best score in the league that week. I think you throw the numbers out the window in this blood feud!

Not only Brother vs Brother, but  Defense vs Defense as their defense lock horns on Thursday Night Football!

2) Kupp the Bilals (2-1)- Three teams have been in the top four in scoring each week, Shirley TBD, Team Deloria and (do you really not see this coming?)...Kupp The Bilals. Of those three, this team is the only one with a loss...to Shirley TBD. I mean I'm not as unlucky as Brando has been, but I am the only team to have 500 points scored against me and in two of the three weeks the opponent has had their best week of the season. Now, with scores of 152.2, 157.4 and 156.2 this team has been the definition of consistency.

3) Team Deloria (3-0)- As noted above, Team Deloria has kept the pedal to the metal through three weeks, but early projections have him in a close week three matchup. Could Dirty Tube Socks change Team Deloria from an unbeaten to a beaten, this week? If the Bills can thrash the Vikings in Minnesota, then...

4) Team Kindred (2-1)- The Ry Guy got a taste of how the other half lives, taking his first loss of the season. His bench had a nice week, though!

5) Salem Salad Tossers (1-2)- Back to back losses? What better way to fix that than a matchup with ErectKyle Dysfunction in week four?

6) Carnal Fruitarians (1-2)- Movin' on uppp...

Dave has that outfit and vows to wear it at the next awards banquet if he doesn't win the title this season.

7) Bay State Brandinos (0-3)- I think you've read enough about Brando's team for this week.

8) Dirty Tube Socks (2-1)- All I can say about Pete's team right now is...

9) the potroasters (1-2)- Improving as the season progresses, but Jon, let me save you some agony and heartache. Don't pay attention to your fantasy football score this weekend. It'll just depress you. In fact, just avoid football altogether this week. Maybe take the lady to a nice farmer's market or go apple picking or something, because honestly if you watch anything related to your fantasy football game, this week, well...

But who am I to say or judge? Sitting on the couch, wallowing away with your bottle of whiskey may be your Sunday routine, anyways. So you do you!

10) Londonderry Lumberjacks (1-2)- Apparently Matty Nice got married (guess my invite got lost in the mail) recently?

11) Hudson Deplorables (1-2)- Larry is feisty and his team is all over the place, just about making him a wilder card than Peter!

12) Multiple Scorgasms (1-2)- Kyle got a win, Kyle got a win!

THE YUGO WEEK THREE POWER RANKINGS: DECORP-OH-NO

Good day, league! We now have two weeks of football in the books and well,

Well, that's a bit harsh, but let's check the numbers and see...

•  The higher team in the Power Rankings won 4 out of 6 matchups and one of those losses was the number eight team to the number nine team.
•  After eight teams beat their projected scores in week one we had nine teams accomplish that in week two.
• Deloria rolled in with the highest score of week two a week after posting the second highest score in week one.
• Big Larry had the worst score of the week, failing to hit triple digits to the left of the decimal point.
• The average winning score in week two was 154.1 and the average score overall was 141.8.
• Dave had the highest losing score of week two, with Brandon close behind.
• Dave and Brandon join Kyle as the remaining winless teams
• While Nate, Deloria and Ryan stand as the remaining unbeaten.
• So does that mean there's a new team atop the Yugo Power Rankings!

            

1) Shirley TBD (2-0)- Despite his week two score being more than 25% lower than his week one score he still moves on up to the top of the Yugo Power Rankings. Enjoy it while you can, Natelynn!

 

2) Kupp the Bilals (1-1)- Escaped being 0-2 by the skin of my teeth and, mostly thanks to Nate, have had the most points scored against me...by over 50 more points than the next highest in that category. But, ya know, honestly, making a decision on how to use Aaron Rodgers going forward has been my main source of stress...

                     

            

It's fine, really.

3) Team Deloria (2-0)- Despite being 2-0 and being one of the top two scoring teams each of the first two weeks, the projections are not super in love with Deloria. Maybe they just aren't buying Michael Thomas catching almost 200 balls this year? Or maybe they don't see how adorable he is?

Gourd-geous!

4) Team Kindred (2-0)- Ryan won the big clash with Steve in week two, but had both Nate and Deloria leap frog him in the Yugo Power Rankings?

 

Ryan, buddy, we understand and respect your feelings, but things happen. Luckily another opportunity to prove yourself quickly arises as you play Deloria in the Foothills Tractor & Equipment Game of the Week, this week!

 

We know at least one team is not going to 3-0

5) Salem Salad Tossers (1-1)- A week two loss to Ryan coupled with a middle of the pack week three projection? Is Steve-O poised for a fall?

6) Bay State Brandinos (0-2)- There are five teams in the league with more than 300 points through two weeks...

1. Shirley TBD- 370.2 (2-0)
2. Team Deloria- 346.4 (2-0)
3. Team Kindred- 315.7 (2-0)
4. Kupp the Bilals- 309.7 (1-1)
5. Bay State Brandinos- 300.8 (0-2)

That's right, kids, poor Brandon is the highest scoring loser in the league right now and if you include last season Brando has now lost nine of his last eleven matchups. Yikes. Won't get much easier this week either as he faces...

7) Carnal Fruitarians (0-2)- David is off to a DeCorp-0-2 start as well and he was the highest scoring loser in week two. Have we awakened the beast?

At least one team won't be 0-3 at the end of this week.

Okay, onto the Nice Guys Finish Last portion of the rankings...

8) Londonderry Lumberjacks (1-1)- As much as the Yugo Power Rankings don't like the Jackers of Lumber, Matty Nice has a decent shot going to 2-1 this week, in theory. Matt plays the 0-2 Scorgasms (more like BORE-gasms, am I right?) but he's only favored by 4.3, so this could be anyone's game...sorry Matt!

9) Hudson Deplorables (1-1)- You know, I don't really know what to say about Larry's team. Week one was solid and week two was more like weak two. So what should we expect in week three?

10) The Pot Roasters (1-1)- Much like Larry, Provost's first two weeks have kind of been night and day. He draws the highest scoring team in the league this week, though, so...

11) The Dirty Tube-Socks (1-1)

Don't ever change, Pete!

12) Multiple Scorgasms (0-2)- I don't know about scorgasms...maybe he should change the team name to Erect-Kyle Dysfunction?

We love you, Kyle! Actually, I don't really know you, but I'm sure you are a lovely person. Okay, well...

WEEK TWO DUNKAROOS POWER RANKINGS: FRANCHITTOS ON THE MOVE

Well, week one is in the books and what a wild one it was! Lots of players putting up big points and a lot of said players were on Nate's team. Before we get into the Week Two Dunkaroos Power Rankings here are some week one notes and numbers

•  The average league score was around 142, but that of course was greatly skewed by Shirley TBD's crazy good week one. If you remove Nate's score, the league averaged 136.18 points.  
• Nate outscored the entire league, handily, with the next closest score being about 43 points behind him. So we know how Nate's feeling....

          

         

• If we take out Nate's score the average winning score was 147.22 in week one. I expect that may be a tad lower going forward as TDs were up drastically over last season, league wide.
• Right now ESPN projects an average winning score of 133.05 for week two.
• On the other side of things, Jon's pot roasters not only posted the lowest week one score, but had the only team that failed to hit triple digits (to the left of the decimal point). I'm sure Provost will put on a brave face, but you know he's at home all....

         

            

          

            Or maybe just....

              

 

         Maybe a combination of the two? Anyways, moving along...

• Nate pulled off the biggest Zima Power Ranking upset in week one, other than that it was #10 over #7, #11 over #8 and #6 over #5.
• As far as ESPN Projections go, only four teams scored lower than their week one projection and one of those teams, Dirty Tube Socks only missed by .5.
• The league overall posted 177.2 more points than projected.
• Big Larry (may I call you Big Larry) was the lowest ranked team to win, giving Brando what for, in week one.
• As we look at the week two slate there is only one battle of 1-0 teams (Ryan vs Steve) and one battle of 0-1 teams (Brando vs Yours truly)

Alright, dem's the appateasers, let's get to the meat and potatoes...onward to the Dunkaroos Week Two Power Rankings...

1) Kupp the Bilals (0-1)- Well, sure, this team is 0-1, so you're probably wondering how they are still sitting atop the Dunkaroos Power Rankings. Don't worry, I'll explain. Look, one week does not necessarily make or break a power ranking. From numberFire's Power Ranking columns...

As for our power rankings, most of the league stayed more or less where they were last week, as one game tends not to be a big enough sample to move the needle just yet.

I ran up against the buzzsaw that is Nate in week one, but he still has a lot to prove coming from the 9th spot. As for the other folks near the top of the Zima Week One Power Rankings, I outscored the 2nd, 3rd and 4th ranked teams and already have one of the highest projected totals for week two. That isn't to say my days at the top aren't numbered, it's just gonna take more than a week. If you don't get that, well..

  

2) team kindred (1-0)- Inching closer to the top spot with a solid week one win, but Ryan is the only active owner to never make the playoffs in this league...food for thought. Yeah, it's a small sample size, but the Ry Guy is definitely looking to prove himself.

Adorable.

3) Salem Salad Tossers (1-0)- Defending champ just doing defending champ things. Steve draws Ryan in a Dunkaroos Power Ranking two versus three, battle of undefeateds, slobberknocker, this week though, so get ready for the rankings to get shook!

4) Shirley TBD (1-0)- Another week like week one and Nate could be sitting in the catbird seat. But fun fact for Nathaniel Jemima Franchitto, the team with the highest score in week one of this league, has never won the championship and only once in the last seven season has that team finished higher than 3rd in the standings. That concludes our history lesson, now let's discuss current events. The pressure is on Nate this week to prove his team is not a one hit wonder.

                                      

I bet he is thumping his head trying to make sure he doesn't crash and burn in week two.

5) Team Deloria (1-0)- Quietly lost in the shuffle was a pretty darned good week one from Deloria's squad. Nate hogged the spotlight, like the prima donna that he is, but Deloria put himself up there as a force to be reckoned with as well. Kind of a shame it was wasted on Jon.

6) Bay State Brandinos (0-1)- So, Brando missed the playoffs last season. I'm not saying that to rub anything in at all. No sir! It happens. Teams have off seasons. The reason I bring it up is because that was the first time in the history of the league that Chitto missed the playoffs. An eight season playoff streak snapped, just like that and it passed us right by without any sort of acknowledgment. So right here is where I will congratulate Brando on such an impressive streak.

Pete has had the second best run at seven consecutive seasons making the playoffs (snapped in 2016). For those scoring at home, here are the top current active playoff streaks:

Owner	Active Playoff Streak
Deloria	6
Dave	4
Nate	3
Will	2
Steve	2

Brandon's missed playoffs last season also means I am the only active owner in the league to have never missed the playoffs. Well, Brandon can take a step in removing that from my resume if he can send me to 0-2 this week.

7) Hudson Deplorables (1-0)- As I mentioned in the open, Larry was the lowest ranked team to win in week one and, well, with the pot roasters on the schedule in week two, Larry could be off to a 2-0 start!

8) Dirty Tube Socks (1-0)- Pete secured a win and moved up in the rankings, but the injury bug is hitting the Tube Socks early as Delanie Walker just became Delanie...Hobbler, am I right? Anyway you slice it I am super excited to watch what Pete cobbles together going forward.

9) Londonderry Lumberjacks (0-1)- Well, not a great start for Matty Nice. It's been back-to-back losing seasons and an 18-21 record over the past three seasons for Matt, so things not really heading in the best of directions for our little lumberjack.

10) The Carnal Fruitarians (0-1)- I believe in Dave, I really do. The track record is there, but the projections coupled with a week one loss to Pete have the Dunkaroos Power Rankings down on him right now. The season is so young, it's still in metaphorical diapers, though, so don't count Dave out of anything! Also, what the projections don't take into account is Dave's routine at the start of every week to get himself pumped...

Oh, he's got moves! Watch out Nate!

Now, at the bottom of the rankings we have two of the last three league champs..

11) pot roasters (0-1)

12) The Scorgasms (0-1)

That wraps up the Week Two Dunkaroos Power Rankings! Keep a close eye on that Ry Guy vs. Steve-O matchup. Two versus three in the Dunkaroos Power Rankings...should be a doozy! Both teams have someone in the the Thursday night game, so who will get the early edge in this one?

WEEK ONE POWER RANKINGS; FRANCHITTOS IN THE BASEMENT

Welcome gentleman (and Provost) to the Bacon Beer League Blog!

That's right, this league has taken on blog form (next year it gets a Friendster account)! How often it actually gets updated is, well, anyone's guess, but we are here now and the moment is ripe for the first Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings of the season and well, possibly ever!

Now, it is important to know that these rankings are 100% unbiased. The power rankings are generated from a long, arduous process involving mounds and mounds of data, minutes upon minutes of research, the complexest of complex algorithms and lots and lots of beer. After all that, once the dust settled, we were left with this week's Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings...

1) Kittle Corn (Will the Thrill)- (#UNBIASED) Look, I can't be held accountable for the story the numbers tell. This squad has the highest projected point total for week one but on top of that, the point differential, on average across the league is like 15 points. Also over the last two seasons, no other manager has scored regular season points that The Thrill. Now it's week one, so does all of this mean anything, really? Uh, yeah it pretty definitively means this team is going to run through this league like Sherman through the south. Or, you know, either that or this team will have a great regular season and lose in the first round of the playoffs like every other season.

2) Team Kindred (The Ry Guy)- The second newest member of the league lands in the number two spot to start the season. "The Ry Guy", as no one calls him, is looking to bounce back from a 6-7 2017 season where only three teams scored fewer points than him. Is a better 2018 in the cards? Well, The Zima Power Rankings sure seem to think so and who is to argue that?

3) Salem Salad Tossers (Scuba Steve)- We all know what the DeCorpos bring, or should I say, brought to the table? There was a time when the DeCorpos were the class of this league, racking up championships left and right, driving fast cars and even faster girls. But as every VH1 Behind the Music episode has taught me, it all comes crashing down. Before you knew it sun decided to start shining on the asses of some other dogs. Well, you get what I mean, I think. Point is, it had been several years since a DeCorpo last added their name to the league trophy. Well, Scuba Steve resurfaced back atop the league last season, restoring honor to the DeCorpo name and...

4) Londonderry Lumberjacks (Mad Matt)- It's been back-to-back losing seasons for Mad Matt, but the Zima Power Rankings think this is the year he turns it all around. Well, we still love ya, either way, Matty because after all...love DeCoste a thing!

5) the pot roasters (Jonboy)- Half the time it seems like Jonboy doesn't know or care what is happening in the football league (did you know he has the fewest points scored over the past two seasons) but then out of nowhere he'll win a championship. He has last year's fantasy playoff MVP, Todd Gurley and will be looking to ride that Gurley all season long.

6) Team Deloria (Mike-ological Warfare)- Last season's almost champion, Deloria comes into this season with an uber sized chip on his shoulder and I think it's BBQ flavored.

7) Carnal Fruitarians (Davey Dynamite)- Well, we know from the preseason chat that Dave has an IDP-brain (Get it? Pea brain?). I kid, Dave is a great guy and a solid competitor but he's sort of like Peyton Manning at the end of his career, fading fast, holding onto the glory days of his youth ever so tightly,

not knowing when to hang 'em up. Stay young, Davey!

8) Laughing Kookaburras (Chitto)- We already saw how his commissioner skills went downhill once he was in a serious relationship and now he's living with a girl? How's that gonnna play? What's the matter, Brandon, Kat got your tongue...among other body parts?

I'd continue picking on Brandon, my wife is beckoning me.

....

 annnnd we're back!

9) Shirley TBD (The Nate-ural)- I know, surely I can't be serious, right? Number nine?!

As far as his fantasy football team building is concerned, he is an adequate commissioner. Now Nate's team name is an obvious cry for us, as a league, to help him with said team name. Sort of like Mad Libs! Okay, ummm, here we go...Shirley Mediocre? Shirley An Easy Opponent? Shirley Not Making the Playoffs? We'll keep working on it, Nate.  

10) Dirty Tube Socks (Pete)- Think Pete has ever thought about naming his team Wild Hotz? or Here Comes the Hotzstepper? I know I sure have.

11) Hudson Deplorables (Larry)- Well, you know the old saying, "The family that loses fantasy together, stays together." Or something like that. Yeah, it's looking like it'll be a long season for the 'Chitto clan. But hey, things could be worse, they could be...

12) Multiple Scorgasms (Kyle)-

Well, there ya have it, the first Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings are in the books; I hope you enjoyed ! Good luck, everyone and let the games begin!