That's right, this league has taken on blog form (next year it gets a Friendster account)! How often it actually gets updated is, well, anyone's guess, but we are here now and the moment is ripe for the first Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings of the season and well, possibly ever!
Now, it is important to know that these rankings are 100% unbiased. The power rankings are generated from a long, arduous process involving mounds and mounds of data, minutes upon minutes of research, the complexest of complex algorithms and lots and lots of beer. After all that, once the dust settled, we were left with this week's Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings...
1) Kittle Corn (Will the Thrill)- (#UNBIASED) Look, I can't be held accountable for the story the numbers tell. This squad has the highest projected point total for week one but on top of that, the point differential, on average across the league is like 15 points. Also over the last two seasons, no other manager has scored regular season points that The Thrill. Now it's week one, so does all of this mean anything, really? Uh, yeah it pretty definitively means this team is going to run through this league like Sherman through the south. Or, you know, either that or this team will have a great regular season and lose in the first round of the playoffs like every other season.
2) Team Kindred (The Ry Guy)- The second newest member of the league lands in the number two spot to start the season. "The Ry Guy", as no one calls him, is looking to bounce back from a 6-7 2017 season where only three teams scored fewer points than him. Is a better 2018 in the cards? Well, The Zima Power Rankings sure seem to think so and who is to argue that?
3) Salem Salad Tossers (Scuba Steve)- We all know what the DeCorpos bring, or should I say, brought to the table? There was a time when the DeCorpos were the class of this league, racking up championships left and right, driving fast cars and even faster girls. But as every VH1 Behind the Music episode has taught me, it all comes crashing down. Before you knew it sun decided to start shining on the asses of some other dogs. Well, you get what I mean, I think. Point is, it had been several years since a DeCorpo last added their name to the league trophy. Well, Scuba Steve resurfaced back atop the league last season, restoring honor to the DeCorpo name and...
4) Londonderry Lumberjacks (Mad Matt)- It's been back-to-back losing seasons for Mad Matt, but the Zima Power Rankings think this is the year he turns it all around. Well, we still love ya, either way, Matty because after all...love DeCoste a thing!
5) the pot roasters (Jonboy)- Half the time it seems like Jonboy doesn't know or care what is happening in the football league (did you know he has the fewest points scored over the past two seasons) but then out of nowhere he'll win a championship. He has last year's fantasy playoff MVP, Todd Gurley and will be looking to ride that Gurley all season long.
6) Team Deloria (Mike-ological Warfare)- Last season's almost champion, Deloria comes into this season with an uber sized chip on his shoulder and I think it's BBQ flavored.
7) Carnal Fruitarians (Davey Dynamite)- Well, we know from the preseason chat that Dave has an IDP-brain (Get it? Pea brain?). I kid, Dave is a great guy and a solid competitor but he's sort of like Peyton Manning at the end of his career, fading fast, holding onto the glory days of his youth ever so tightly,
not knowing when to hang 'em up. Stay young, Davey!
8) Laughing Kookaburras (Chitto)- We already saw how his commissioner skills went downhill once he was in a serious relationship and now he's living with a girl? How's that gonnna play? What's the matter, Brandon, Kat got your tongue...among other body parts?
I'd continue picking on Brandon, my wife is beckoning me.
....
annnnd we're back!
9) Shirley TBD (The Nate-ural)- I know, surely I can't be serious, right? Number nine?!
As far as his fantasy football team building is concerned, he is an adequate commissioner. Now Nate's team name is an obvious cry for us, as a league, to help him with said team name. Sort of like Mad Libs! Okay, ummm, here we go...Shirley Mediocre? Shirley An Easy Opponent? Shirley Not Making the Playoffs? We'll keep working on it, Nate.
10) Dirty Tube Socks (Pete)- Think Pete has ever thought about naming his team Wild Hotz? or Here Comes the Hotzstepper? I know I sure have.
11) Hudson Deplorables (Larry)- Well, you know the old saying, "The family that loses fantasy together, stays together." Or something like that. Yeah, it's looking like it'll be a long season for the 'Chitto clan. But hey, things could be worse, they could be...
12) Multiple Scorgasms (Kyle)-
Well, there ya have it, the first Bacon Beer League Zima Power Rankings are in the books; I hope you enjoyed ! Good luck, everyone and let the games begin!
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