WEEK FIVE POWER RANKINGS BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE BUZZEDFEED QUIZ, "WHICH DAVE IS YOUR FANTASY TEAM?"

Week five and only one undefeated team and two winless teams remain. As I mentioned, last week, just last season we had two 0-4 teams, which was the first time that has happened in the last four illustrious seasons, but we have to go back to 2017 to find the last time a team started 5-0, when Larry made that happen. 

What's interesting there, is in that season, Larry was knocked from the unbeatens by Steve in week six. Steve was the previous unbeaten to fall that season and this season? Well, the last remaining unbeaten team, owned and operated by very handsome and charming person, will face the last team to fall from the unbeatens, in the form of the now demoralized, blfranchitto's Team. Could history sort of repeat itself? Brando has an uphill battle for sure, but with Mahomes and Kamara projections are almost meaningless.

Now onto the losers. Since 2016 no team in the league has gone without a win in the first five weeks of the season. So we are in rarified air right now but....it's 2020, where science and being against fascism are considered controversial. Yes the Toilet Bowl is here as week five pits 0-4 Jude against 0-4 Nate.

 Nate is the heavy favorite because Jude, well, has anyone checked on Jude? It's a must win for these teams, but even a win leaves a pretty tough road ahead. Just look at the percentage of teams that made the playoffs with the following records.

5-8: 37.5% 

6-7: 85.71%

No team that has won 7 or more games has missed the playoffs and no team with fewer than five wins has made the playoffs. So even the winner of the Toilet Bowl will have some work to do, theoretically needing to go at least 4-4 after this week to really have a chance at the playoffs and really 6-2 to virtually guarantee a spot.

Now on with the rankings, brought to you by the Buzzedfeed Quiz, "Which Dave is Your Fantasy Team?"

12) Coop Her Kupp (0-4, 454.34 PF)- Jude's team gets Stoney McStonerson Dave

We all know Dave likes his bud, as the kids say, but this team has been so bad, it would have to be the stonediest Dave could, like to the point where he can't even name more than 3 of the top 10 tacklers in the league.

11) Peter's Team (1-3, 477.34 PF)- Peter's Team is Don't give an F, Dave

Pete is really just happy to be a part of things right now and could not care less if his team doesn't win.

10) Team Deloria (2-2, 515.84 PF)- Team Deloria, you got "Indifferent Dave"

Things definitely took a bad turn with Saquon going down, but Deloria is at 2-2 and poised to win this week. But after that three of his next four games are against the 1st, 2nd and 4th highest scoring teams, so....

9) Marvelous Muzzy's (3-1, 531.32 PF)- You get "8th Grade Dave"

Naive, full of pomp, world looks like your oyster right now, sitting at 3-1, but with the lowest points against (about 9 points fewer than the next team) this record seems suspect.

8) Shirley Stranglers (0-4, 515.08 PF)- This squad gets "Disgruntled Dave"

Nate's team on paper, should not be 0-4, but injuries lining up with him having the 2nd most points scored against him have him in a big hole.

7) Purple Helmet (2-2, 535.64 PF)- You got "Softer Side Dave"

Did you know Jonny has averaged the fewest points per week since joining the league? 

6) Bobsicles. (1-3, 562.56 PF)- You get "Sad Sack Dave"

Obviously the Power Rankings think this squad should be higher, but this can happen when you have the most points scored against you on the season. Here's a fun fact though...the Franchittos are 1-2-3 in points scored against them. I mean fun if you're not a Franchitto, I guess.

5) Kyle's Team (3-1, 525.28 PF)- This team is definitely the "Livin' the Dream Dave"

3-1, despite being 9th in points scored, this team just happy to be here.

4) blfranchitto's Team (3-1, 624.36 PF)- This is easily "Don't Find Out My Secret Dave" 

Brandon's team is good but seems very dependent on Kamara and Mahomes. Your secret's safe with me, Brando. Also, if there's two players to carry your team, those are decent choices.

3) Carnal Fruitarians (3-1, 653.40 PF)- You got "Scorch the Earth Dave"

Do I need to explain this further? It's hard to tell because it seems like Dave lacks self-confidence and is basically the league introvert, but he's adamant that he's the best and he will run through this league like Sherman through the south. You can say what you will about Dave, he backs it up. Remember no one has more points scored in this league from 2016 to now and only two other teams have made the playoffs in each of the past four seasons.

2) Charknado (4-0, 604.06 PF)- You got "Top of the World Dave" 

The last unbeaten team...need I say more?

1) Salem Salad Tossers (2-2, 649.90 PF)- You got "Class Act Dave"

This Dave is not often seen out in the wild, but it probably exists. Lined up with some teams doing their absolute best, the Power Rankings still think this is the team to beat.